Laughter is the Best Medicine

Columbus' Short North Gazette includes a section titled "I Can't Believe You Said That!" The November/December 2013 issue contains some funny quotes:

"I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. Unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight, so instead..."--Dave Attell

"There are three ways to be ruined in this world. First is by sex, the second is by gambling, and the third is by telling jokes. Sex is the most fun, gambling is the most exciting, and being a comedian is the surest."--Paul Roth

"I wasn't any good in French or Italian, but I excelled in Thousand Island."--Steve Moris

"Watch out when you're getting all you want; only hogs being fattened for the slaughter get all they want."--Joel Chandler Harris

"I am not so think as you drunk I am."--Sir John Squire

"An improper mind is a perpetual feast."--Logan Pearsall Smith